Want

I know I am beautiful.
I know I’m am pretty.
I know I am skinny.
I know I do not need a man to complete me.
I know all I need is God.
I know I am everything I am-inside and out-because of God in my life.
All of this, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, and yet there is part of me that yearns for more.

More what?

I’m not really sure.

I want more than I have right now. I want more than I’m headed for.
So much more than that.

So is that why I keep checking out schools?
Even though I refuse to go into debt to afford it?

Is that why I get so lonely?

I want someone to call at the end of the day, to fight with, to be with, to learn to communicate with. To walk this path with. To encourage, tease, to know immpeccibly, to trust, to smile at, to wake up with.

I just want….someone.

Something.

More.

I want to wake up and have a purpose for my day. To get something accomplished. Truly accomplished, that really matters. That really makes an impact. I want to help people. Encourage them. Have them trust me enough to lean on me.

I’m strong.

This is what I was created for. To help.

I want to love better, stronger, be stronger, wiser, happier. I want to have joy, no matter what, in any situation. I want to caputure all that so I can cradle it close then give it away.

I want to be patient, to laugh instead of growl and mean it. I want to be positive. I want to truly care. I want to posses tact.

I want to be past all the not knowing and uncertainty and “ARRIVE” already.

(Do any of us ever actually arrive?)

I want to stay exactly where I am so i can see where this exact road takes me.

I want to do, to move, to fly, to start over, to bring everyone I care for and love with me to start over too.

I want to lift them up and dust them off and encourage them. See the strength and confidence return to their bodies as they grab hold of the truth and run with it.

I want to smile at the joy bursting in their faces and silently thank God for doing it again, and using me to do it.

Really. I just want to be used. I want to be made into exactly what He wants me to be. I want to be exactly where He wants me to be. I am no longer content. I am no longer okay with my lot, with the cards delt me. I want to be down the road, where I feel I should be, instead of catching up. I want to be learning, soaking in everything I can, growing by leaps and bounds, knowing that it’s all because of Him.

I want more.

So, so much more.

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