list-o-thanks, 2009 edition

yes…i realize it’s a few days late. But here it is people…the thankful list….2009 edition. enjoy! remember this is in no particular order.

1. For delete keys on keyboards…cuz mine is broken and it’s making life…interesting.
2. For warm blankets in cold rooms
3. For people you feel completely comfortable around. Or i feel completely comfortable around…cause this is my list. ha
4. For my sister. She’s a rockstar.
5. For my job…even though sometimes i get really irritated and frustrated…i love the people i work with. they make it fun.
6. music.
7. my ability to create….i have no idea how i would have survived this long if God hadn’t given me that gift.
8. My crazy, funny, odd, unpredictable friends and family.
9. For patience…cause i keep on making mistakes and this delete key (or lack thereof)  is kicking  my butt.
10. That no matter how many times i try and do life on my own, God takes me back as soon as i’m willing to admit i was horribly, horribly wrong.
11. bright colors
12. truth.
13. the opportunity to meet new people
14. the opportunity i have every day to impact people
15. for oakwood…I’ve learned so much from everybody there.
16. for master’s also…the friendships that were made…also…i wouldn’t have been able to learn as much from life in this past year if i hadn’t gone there and been transformed first.
17. redemption
18. grace.
19. palm trees. :sigh: i miss those sometimes. ha.
20. Hot showers. seriously….my house is freezing.
21. snow
22. that it hasn’t been very cold yet this year.
23. for my beat-up, broke-down blazer named Benny. he still gets me where i need to go. Nobody really knows how this is possible….but it IS. HA!
24. For Felecia. my “soul mate”
25. For my someday-husband.
26. For my mommy and daddy….cause they’re awesome.
27. For BOOOOOKKKSSS!!!!!! We all know that Nicole needs her books. lol
28. for big, squishy, soft pillows
29. for my kids. they’re awesome.
30. for PAAIINNNTTSS!
31. That someday…when i’m married…i’ll be able to have sex. with my someday-husband.
32. for contacts!
33. for grass. cause it’s pretty…and green….and fun to pull apart.
34. forrrrr kevin and annie
35. Gary and Jill too.
36. For tank tops…cause otherwise i wouldn’t be able to wear a lot of the clothes that i wear.
37. For shoes.
38. for long walks of short piers. hahaha jk i am thankful for walks though. ’specially through pretty areas…with rachel…
39. for reconnecting with old friends.
40. for lessons learned.
41. that i finally realized that not everybody wants something from me.
42. for clothes. no offense…but i don’t want to see all y’all naked. I’m sure the feeling is mutual.
43. for jimmy johns. (their bread, specifically)
44. for the toothless grins babies give you
45. for indoor plumbing….i really really need to pee right now
46. that i am able to impact people’s lives in a significant way.
47. that I have a friend who knows every single hair on my head.
48. that Jackie has stuck by me through all these years….she can read my thoughts with just a glance at me.
49. that i live in a time where communication and transportation is almost as easy as snapping your fingers.
50. that my siblings love me. sounds silly, i know…but I didn’t always think it was true.
51. for movies.
52. for purity. and that purity doesn’t only mean what we so often make of it. (……that makes sense to me)
53. for my health
54. for every single time that God has stooped to pick me up
55. that through my story, God can take other people further along in their journey
56. for grayson. he’s turned out to be a pretty good friend.
57. for all my guy friends who have decided to watch out for me. it means a lot. thank you.
58. for jennyfrom theblock….yer hugs are amazin
59. for jennylee….you are beeautiful. I can’t get over it. and i love hanging out with you.
60. i might as well just put for my sub 30 group of people…there aren’t enough lines for all of you.
61. fer medicine. it’s amazing what we have available to us.
62. that i can get rid of this stupid feeling my leg gets when it’s fallen asleep.
63. For the songs that transport you to a special place that only you and God inhibit
64. for books
65. that my aunt lets me borrow her camera sometimes.
66. for hugs
67. that this is not the end.
68. for chapstick. or “lip balm” whatever it’s all the same to me.
69. that i have three absolutely crazy older brothers
70. for that feeling I get when i’m snuggling with one of my nieces or nephews
71. that i can play with little kids so often. and that they like me enough to invite me to their birthday parties.
72. for socks! a lot of these seem to be about being warm…but i’m pretty cold right now.
73. for the blinds on my windows…cuz i dont want creepers looking in my window.
74. for the times at jackie’s house when one of the animals decides to curl up with me. it’s nice.
75. that i have the capacity to learn
76. that i am able to support a little girl
77. for the friends who have decided they want to stay in contact….and have made steps to do so. lurve you spidey.
78. for my uncles. hehe
79. for my aunts and cousins too. haha
80. for the christmas eve gift opening tradition
81. that i got a computer!  yeeaahhh
82. for the time every week i spend driving. its amazing…the thinks i’ve thought on my drives.
83. that my dad lets me borrow his car…allll the time. and that it has a spot for me to plug in my ipod so i don’t have to listen to the radio
84. that i grew up where i did.
85. for things that propel you forward
86. for my hair. it’s crazy.
87. for pictures.
88. for my navy sweats! mmmm i love them. a lot.
89. for sunsets. they say a picture is worth a thousand words? sunsets are worth millions.
90. for my memories
91. for animals
92. for the love and grace that greets me every morning
93. that i have done nothing and could never do anything to earn those things.
94. for clean water. that i have such easy access to it.
95. for scarves. they have SO MANY uses, you have no idea.
96. for my bed! that i dont have to sleep on the floor! cuz that would hurt!
97. for all that i learned (and am still learning) from a leaky tire.
98. for music trade-offs
99. for perky 16 (or is it 17) year olds who call you no matter how many times you forget to call them back.
100. that i am able to read people and what they’re thinking

Victory.

About a month and a half ago I read a friend’s blog called “the break up.” And all it was about is about how she is breaking up with her flesh, how she is done, sick of all this back-and-forth bull and ready to fully commit to Him and what He has for her.  She, of course, said it much much more eloquently than I am…she is a beautiful author and I only spew whatever is able to translate from my head to my fingertips.

The words i read absolutely inspired me. I wanted to “break up” with my flesh. I wanted to go all-out. I was so sick of…well…EVERYTHING. I wanted it to be all over and done with myself so i could be completely, 100% Gods, all His will, none of mine. I even started writing a blog to tell all of you about it when I realized how scary of a thing that is. To rip away all of my human tendencies, to try and be His and His alone, give everything up, all at once, and succeed.

I felt like i had been running full speed, about to jump off a cliff into the most beautiful, sparkling blue water i’ve ever seen in my life, only to change my mind at the very last second and stand and the edge of my cliff….balancing precariously on my tippy-toes, trying to regain balance.

I decided one or two things at a time would work okay, too.

And that’s okay, I think. As long as you’re still open to Him and listening to what He wants you to do. I think all He really wanted from me to begin with was to be open to Him, because for so long I closed myself off…staying in one spot because somehow I knew whatever came next would be hard. And it would hurt. A lot. It would be very hard, and very, very painful.

It is. It does. SO much. Sometimes it’s a battle just to get through a few hours. To put myself aside and ask Him, “what do you want me to do right now?” It’s even harder sometimes to listen for the answer; especially when the answer takes awhile to come.

There are times when I feel as if I’m flying, as if God and I are in-step with each other; like we’ve got our arms around each other’s waists and are swinging our feet back and forth as we walk together. THere are times when Im so in awe of God’s love and light and beauty that I’m speechless. There are times when I know exactly what He expects, exactly what He wants, and exactly what He wants me to do.
There are also times where I feel like I’m running full speed into a wall, only to smack into it and try again. There are also times where I feel like I’m drowning, a single hand struggling to stay up out of the water, waiting for rescue. There are also times when I feel like I’m standing in the middle of a busy intersection, people and cars and busses whizzing by in complete….life...and I’m just watching it happen. There are times when I know I should be doing something…but  lack the courage or energy to do so. There are times when I know i need to unclench my fist and let go, but instead I clench my fist closed even tighter.

God has been there through it all. Through all of these sensations. I know that he’s going to continue to be there, to encourage and guide me. I know he’s going to use all sorts of things and people to do it too. Either spectacular sunsets, or great friends to give me some scripture and advice, or a wonderful sister to talk to. He’s provided it. He’s going to keep on providing it.

So here it is. I’m not giving up. I may be tired and worn down right now, but MY GOD IS A GOD OF STRENGTH and of POWER. He is stronger than anything the devil can whip at me, and braver than I could ever be. EVERYTHING I NEED IS IN HIM. Everything I long for and hope for are IN HIM. All my distractions, all my worries, all my anxieties, all my attitudes, all of it…is NOTHING…i’ll repeat it…NOTHING compared to HIS glory, His grace, His majesty, His power, HIS love, His greatness, HIS energy, His depth, and HIS VICTORY. Because in Him

I
Have
Victory.

Hear that satan?!!?! I HAVE COMPLETE AND TOTAL VICTORY IN THE LORD JESUS CHRIST. SO ANYTHING YOU TRY IS GONNA FALL SHORT ‘CAUSE IN HIS NAME–IN JESUS’ NAME I AM VICTORIOUS. Anything you do, anything you say, anything you try, falls short of hitting me because I rest behind the sheild of the Most High. I may lose one or two battles, but I assure you, I Will Win This War.

Take that.

Five Minutes.

What can happen in five minutes?

a life can be saved.
A life can be lost.
A heart can be changed.

Five minutes is huge.
Five minutes can be like 1000 years to some.
It can be like one second to others.

You can waste five minutes
you can use five minutes

what if this is your last five minutes?

would you be happy with them or regret them?
would you be ashamed or proud of them?

Five minutes.

Doesn’t seem like much does it? but five minutes is key. who of you knows the days of your life?

We don’t know. we can’t know.

but if we did know

would we do anything differently?
would we change who we are in that five minutes?

would we pretend that they weren’t our last?

or would we take full advantage of them
and squeeze everything we could into every second?

what would we do with our last five minutes?

lament over all we’ve lost?
gripe over what was supposed to be ours?
be angry over an offense that was made?

or would we rejoice over what we’ve earned?
be glad for all we had
and love those around us?

would you be proud of them?
want them spoken of and known about?

or would you want them hidden from view and forgotten?

would you use them to your advantage?
or keep them selfishly to yourself?

are you doing everything you can in these five minutes?

Great is thy Faithfulness

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not,
Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

Refrain

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed
Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness,
Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Refrain

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Refrain

I know, I know, this is one of the oldest, most boring, awful hymns to sing in church…especially when it’s all old-school piano only singing. Ugh. It’s so easy to write this song off as “too old” or “out of date” or to say that it “doesn’t really apply to mere here in 2009″. That’s exactly what I thought for the longest time. Every time I heard this song or one like it I still have flashbacks to doing church services at the nursing home with my grandparents.

But take a look at they lyrics. How can they be out of date with us today? Has God stopped being there for us every single hour of every single day just because we’re in the oh-so-great year of 2009? No. He hasn’t. I know, I know…it may seem like it. Believe me, I’ve been there. But take one more look at these words. Maybe sing it to yourself. Try to re-engrave that on your heart. God is there, He’ll always be there, providing all we need.

Hangin’ On

Have you ever felt like you were hanging from a 1,000 foot cliff by your fingertips? Like you’ve been holding on so tightly that your fingers have scratched grooves into the top of the ledge that you’re dangling from?

Yeah. Sucks doesn’t it?

‘Cause somehow, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if you were to let go you’d drop. There would be no catching action happening here, no gentle float to the bottom, no discovering that after all those years of trying, you really can fly. No. None of that.

Just a straight, painful, full-out death drop.

So instead of letting go, you hang on. You hope and pray that somehow God will either catch you when your fingers finally give out or he’ll help you do some sort of crouching-tiger hidden-dragon flip so you’re standing on top of this cliff you’ve been clinging to for so long, victorious.

And when none of that happens, you start wondering. “Why am I still hanging here? Why hasn’t God done anything yet? Why won’t God catch me? Or make my fly? (Cause really God…..that would be awesome.)”

But haven’t you ever wondered…

How is it that you’ve been able to hang on for this long?

I mean…I don’t know about you, but my fingers aren’t all that strong. I for sure would not be able to hang from a cliff using just my fingers for very long. At all.

In Isaiah God tells us not to worry, not to be afraid or dismayed. Because He’s going to strengthen us. He’s going to send super-crazy strength into our fingertips so we can keep on hangin’ on. Because sometimes we’re not supposed to fly or do crazy flip-leap thingys. Sometimes we’re just supposed to hang on.

Just one of those days…

Have you ever had those days where you are constantly smiling? Nothing is particularly great about that day, but you are still able to smile, and to fully and completly love it. One of those days wher everything-even the bad-all seems to be somehow…good?

Embrace those days. Or even if it’s not a full day, even if it’s just an hour, each one is a gift. Feel free to throw your arms wide open and celebrate what has been given to you. Smile, laugh, and try to get others to do the same.

You may be suprised with the results.

Oh Mr. Sun, Sun…

Have you ever walked inside after being out in the bright summer sun? It’s so dark you can hardly see. And when you hit the light switch, the light that comes on is so dull in comparison to what you were just in that you find yourself still struggling to see. There is no way that a small light bulb can compete with the brilliance of the sun.

It reminded me of what we often do in our lives. We get a taste of some brilliant light, it’s so amazing that everything else just lights up. But then, for whatever reason, we decide to go inside. When we realize that it’s too dark, we try to turn the light bulbs of relationships or money or whatever in our lives in order to bring that brightness back.

But nothing ever really compares to what we were just in, what we just had. Sometimes we spend so long trying to recreate the brightness, the true light, that we completly forget that there is one other option open to us. One thing that we can do to make sure the brightness comes back.

We can walk back outside.

Riches

Mark 10:25 (New International Version)
“It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”

Usually when we read this verse our minds automatically go to the financially rich-the people with lots of money. What we usually don’t think about is the people who are rich in other ways: rich with a great family, rich with a good education, a good job, great friends, etc. I think that so often, we forget to consider these things in our lives a “richness”. They’re just there. Often, it’s when we don’t  have money that we remember these things also make us rich. but these things can also keep us from God.

Think of the college professor, who has has years and years of education, with degrees lining the walls of his office. He thinks that God doesn’t exist, because on and intellectual or scientific level, there is no way that such a Being could exsist.

Or what about the family man who has the perfect life? Maybe not a TON of money, but enough to get by. A great wife, beautiful children, and fantastic friends. He may consider himself extremely rich. So why would he need some God to make his life complete? According to him, his life IS complete.

Now consider the testimonies you’ve heard that have moved you the most. Are they the stories of the man who thought he had it all and one day just decided that he needed God? Are they the stories of the professor who was finally proven wrong? Or are they the stories of people who had hit rock bottom, who’s entire life had turn meaningless, or stories of people who had everything stripped away from them? The people who looked around and saw themselves as having nothing; as being poor.

It’s so easy to think that with everything we have, we don’t need God quite as much. It’s so easy for us to think that when we’re upset we can call this or that person, instead of telling God what’s going on in our heads. Because we’re so rich in friendships. It’s so easy to make our decisions based on what we know, on what we’ve learned by going to school or even just by living, than by making them based on what God would have us do.

In this day in age, when communication and knowledge and a million other things are so readily available to us, it’s so easy to replace those things for God. Maybe we need to start taking a look out for that, because without even realizing it, we could just edge God completely out of the picture with all of our riches and end up making ourselves the rich man Jesus was talking about.

A Spoonful of Sugar

We’ve all seen Mary Poppins, or at the very least we’ve all heard the song “A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, the medicine go down…” What a lot of us may not remember from the movie is Burt singing it to Mr. Banks right before he got fired from his job at the bank:

A spoonful of sugar that is all it takes
It changes bread and water
Into tea and cakes
A spoonful of suger goes a long long way
Have a healthy helping every day

In our lives, we so often have some hard things to deal with. Things that are bitter-tasting in our mouths as we hear about them or go through them. Just like having “a spoonful of sugar” to help make our medicine taste better, as mary poppins suggests, we need something to make our situations and troubles go down just a little bit easier. Something to make it seem not quite so bad, or to take the worst edge away. What in the world can have the power to do that? If you look around at the life going on around you, you’ll see people trying to find something to make the bitter taste that life is leaving in their mouth a little more sweet.If you look a little closer, you’ll realize that generally, these things don’t really work.There’s one thing that in my experience, has been that spoonful of sugar. Whenever i turn to God and ask him for help, He makes situations and troubles go down just a bit easier. Something to make them not so bad; taking the worst edge away. Only He is able to take that bitter taste life leaves in your mouth and make it truly sweet.

Thankful

Usually around Thanksgiving I go online somewhere and post a list of 100 things I’m thankful for. (thanks carrie….you have helped create a tradition in my life) At work tonight i splashed water all over me and i was suddenly incredibly thankful that I had an apron on. The Thanksgiving list came to mind, and I wondered why I only do that once a year.

I decided to make one now…in August…three months before thanksgiving. (take that ocd) Oh, and as always…they’re not in any order.

1. Aprons. If i didn’t have one at work my clothes would be….horrible. trust me.
2. My imaginiation…cause in my head…I’m a fabulous dancer. And I’m rockin out right now
3. Rain. Sweet, beautiful, cleansing, feeding, rain.
4. Love. The fact that I am loved.
5. That God has made me able to impact those around me
6. Target. ha.
7. People who have a sense of humor. Oh….i love you all. hahaha
8. My family…cause they’re all pretty crazy
9. Creativity
10. Hair dye
11. Sunsets. Sunrises too, i suppose, authough I’m very rarely awake for them.
12. Blankets. NOT snuggies….normal, real, blankets.
13. Being able to learn from…well…everything
14. That i’m so incredibly S-M-R-T!!!
15. *sigh* the princess bride. Felicia, that ones for you, darling
16. That God gave us humans the ability to connect with so many other humans, so many different ways
17. that my brain is super-crazy and can think so many things at once.
18. being tall. (i know right?!!!)
19. my hair. I’d really have no real problem with shaving it all off…but i still like it.
20. Judy Garland, Audrey Heburn, Gene Kelly, Frank Sinatra, etc etc
21. the french. lol idon’t know why but i got a lotta french blood in me so i’d thought i’d throw it in there.
22. Painting. *sigh*
23. Forgivness
24. blood. Jesus’ blood, in particular, because if it weren’t for him and that…forgivness would be a little moot.
25. music. all music. yes, even the stuff i don’t like, but especially the stuff i DO like…and the OLD stuff…
26. That i can talk. and make a (sad) attempt at singing
27. People who make me think
28. When someone turns out to be an unexpected friend. :]
29. headphones
30. my neices and nephews. they’re friggin cool.
31. little kids…awww….
32. MY kids
33. Brice and Briar…i know I consider them my kids but they deserve a line.
34. trees
35. tranquility (or maybe just tranqulizers….haha jk)
36. medicine
37. people who are taller than me
38. Relationship.
39. that Jesus is in control of the UNIVERSE, as Grayson puts it
40. mmm…for people who bake. a lot…..you have a little peice of my heart, annie.
41. that someday, maybe, i’ll find a really fantastically awesome guy…and get married. maybe. (for sure not until october. HA!)
42. For my big sister. We’ve been through a lot in our 22 years of sisterdry (?)….but through it all, and after it all, she is my best friend, and I’m so glad I have her.
43. serioulsy, you guys, my family rocks okay? they get TWO. because this time I’m thinking of all the times they’ve helped me when I had nothing to give to them in return.
44. That every now and then you find a person to hug who just fits you. And I’m not talking romantic-y fits…just fits.
45. for my friends. I don’t remember if i already said them. But I’m friends with some of the coolest people i know. hahaha
46. for fruits and veggies!!! yummy!
47. for junk food!!! (it’s a lot easier to store in my car lol)
48. for the color pink. wow.
49. in this moment i’m especially happy to be alive. so for that too.
50. for this little sand turtle i have by my computer…he has a really doofy smile and i smile every time i see him smile.
51. oohhh for when you have to laugh because of someone else’s laugh.
52. for worship, and the ablility to lock myself in a place where it’s just my creator and I.
53. for the smile that I share with Him and Him alone.
54. That Jesus is my boyfriend, cause he’s the coolest boyfriend EVER! Admit it. You’re jealous. (you don’t gotta be though….really….he can be your boyrfriend too. just remember that i’m the favorite ha)
55. for the movie singin’ in the rain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!! grrahhh!!!!!!!!!!
56. for datin’ lips. hahahaha
57. for toes. my toes. i like my toes.
58. that my grandpa will tell me stories…even though he still won’t sing me the ugly song.
59. for dictionaries (even though they really dont’ help me spell)
60. for lightning face it. it rocks.
61. oooh for my crazy socks!
62. for comfortable chairs
63. that i am able to help out so much
64. for books! oh my goodness how did i make it this long without mentioning books!
65. for hair binders and clippies and ties and whatever else keeps my hair up off of me when i want it to be
66. for razors…cuz i really need to shave my legs. haha
67. for electricity. yyeaaahhh
68. that i can sleep in my car if it’s clean enough and if i need to. (right now it’s not clean enough)
69. for cindy, doramae, carol, pauline, theresa, and rose
70. for my great grandma….im pretty excited to meet her
71. for being able to help people in small, practical ways
72. that God saw fit to give me a heart to help people. it’s pretty much fun. o yes.
73. for keeping in touch with people
74.that someday i’ll be where i’m pretty sure i’m headed…
75. that I don’t need to be able to picture that right now, immediatly.
76. for shoes. most of the time, anyway.
77. for my in-laws!!!!!!!!!!
78. for the dances on so you think you can dance that move you. i know what i mean.
79. for potato skins, because i’m kinda craving them.
80. for my back
81. for playtime. or times that you make into playtime.
82. for calculators…cause y’all KNOW my brain has a hard time with that
83. for flowers…mmm….
84. for community, fellowship, for being able to belong to something real and lasting
85. for the fact that my strength does not come from me and me alone.
86. for the strange, familiar, unexplicable peace than invades my soul just in the nick of time
87. that i don’t have to live a slave to my mind, my past, or my emotions
88. for clothes.
89. for the good memories
90. the bad ones too.
91. for the ablility to reach out
92. for cold feet that get warm
93. for sunny, warm days, where you can feel the sun warming deep down into your skin
94. for HUGE beach towels
95. for pens and penciles (’specially the ones that are color)
96. for big brothers, biological or otherwise.
97. for being the youngest.
98. for the fact that i am able to express myself creativly
99. for the feeling that you get when you know you’re truly free and the only thing you can do is turn your face up, close your eyes, smile, and throw your arms wide open to enjoy it. and maybe do a little spin.
100. hmm…..for the calm after the storm.